ABCs Are Not That Easy
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: As a surprise for Lily, Remus, Sirius, and James try to teach baby Harry his alphabet. Yeah, like that's going to work.


Title: ABCs Are Not That Easy

Summary: As a surprise for Lily, Remus, Sirius, and James try to teach baby Harry his alphabet. Yeah, like that's going to work.

Thanks to marauders babe for the idea. If you like this, thank her, not me.

Remus was seated on the couch, baby Harry cooing happily at him, as he looked from James, on his right, to Sirius, on his left. Both of them were trying to look as sweet and as innocent as James and Sirius could attempt to look.

"Let me get this straight," Remus began, glancing back down at Harry, "you want to teach him his alphabet as a surprise for Lily, since she's missed a lot of other things? Wouldn't she want to be the one to teach him his alphabet?"

"Maybe..." James began slowly. "But I want to do it, too! Remember, he walked TO YOU. YOU got him to say his first word. I want to do something with him!"

Sirius rolled his eyes at James, who looked as though he was about to throw a tantrum.

Before Sirius could say anything, Remus asked, "And why do you two want me here? Is it because you don't know the alphabet?"

"No!" Sirius scoffed. "I know my alphabet. I wanted you here to keep James from messing it up!"

"Well, I wanted him here to keep YOU from messing it up!" James said, sticking his tongue out at Sirius.

Harry, watching his father with interest, squealed and stuck his tongue out too. Except when he did it, drool landed all over Remus's lap.

"He's still teething?" Remus asked with a frown.

"Yeah. Now, to the alphabet!"

Remus sighed impatiently. "You're not going to be happy until I teach him, are you?"

"No!" James grinned. "Moony, you'd make a great teacher. Now learn my son his alphabet!"

After sending a scowl in James's direction, Remus sighed and settled Harry down in his lap, facing him. "All right, Harry. Your father wants me to teach you. I think it's too early for the alphabet myself, since you can only say three words."

"Idit!" Harry laughed.

"And he STILL doesn't say Quidditch!" James pouted.

Harry looked from James to Remus and back again. He made a few attempts to say something, it may or may not have been Quidditch, but all he managed was a babbling sound. Then he looked up at Remus and laughed.

Remus merely sighed again. "'A' Harry. Start with 'a'."

"And then 'Q'." Sirius began innocently.

"Yeah, 'Q'!" James piped up. "It's 'q' next, Harry. Not 'b'."

"Look, if you two aren't going to be serious about this, I'm going home." Remus grumbled. He then winced as an impatient Harry reached up and snatched at his hair.

"Yeah, he does that." James said casually, as though he were commenting on the weather and not talking about his son's bad hair-pulling habit. "I don't know where he got it from. Unless he saw Sirius do it."

Sirius looked appalled that James would say such a thing. "I haven't pulled a girl's hair in weeks, mate! How dare you pin this on me? It was probably you that taught him!"

Remus groaned as the two men started to bicker. Harry heaved a sigh of his own and watched Remus with feigned interest. As soon as he dropped his guard, Harry reached for his hair again.

"Back to the alphabet." Remus muttered, attempting to ignore the brown hairs in Harry's hand. "'B.'"

"'R.'" James began in the same tone as Remus.

"No." Remus began darkly, growing very impatient with James and Sirius.

"Don't listen to Uncle Moony!" James began, trying to stifle his laughter. "I'm your father, Harry, I know what I'm talking about."

Harry once again looked from James to Remus and back again. His lower lip started to tremble. And then he began to wail. He didn't want to upset Daddy, but he didn't want to make Uncle Moony mad, either.

So the only option seemed to be to cry as loud as he could.

"WHAT DID YOU THREE DO TO MY SON?"

A very angry Lily took Harry from a startled Remus as Sirius muttered, "I think we broke him."

Glaring at Sirius, Lily snapped, "I'm never, ever leaving you three alone with my son again!"

"But Lily, you always say that!" James pointed out. "And you always do! You never learn!"

With one last glare in their direction, Lily carried Harry to the kitchen for a bottle.

"It looks like you're sleeping on the couch tonight, mate." Sirius said softly as James walked him and Remus to the door.

"Hey, at least you get plenty of time to figure out how you're going to teach your son. I'm sure not volunteering next time." Remus muttered.


End file.
